배재미디어센터

Troy Holtz, 조영우 (영어과)

최근 생성형 인공지능의 발달로 영어에 대한 관심도가 전반적으로 낮아졌다는 평가가 있지만, 이번 대회를 통해 우리 배재대학교 학생들이 여전히 영어에 깊은 관심을 가지고 있다는 점을 확인할 수 있었다.

- <Individuals cannot improve environmental    problems.> 심사평

- Things I liked

The sentences are not overly complex and wordy. I can follow your paragraph easily. 

You stated your thesis in the first paragraph

This was a well organized essay. Each paragraph had a specific goal. That goal was clear. The paragraphs all clearly connected with the thesis from the first paragraph. 

The conclusion was appropriate and summed up youe essay nicely. 

 

- Things I didn’t like

The biggest issue is grammatical and it relates to sentence structure 

It is important to remember that “so” “but” are conjunctions that cannot start sentences. 

This is a fundamental mistake because when  conjunction comes after a full stop, it creates senence fragments. 

It is important not to use the word “I” in an academic/ persuasive essay

I don’t understand what “social realism” means

It is not concidred appropriate to use rhetorical questions when writing a persuasive English. 

The topic sentence in the third paragraph uses a discourse style which suggests it is the continuation of the second paragraph and not the start of a new paragraph

Second, it is because people have educational differences about environmental issues.

 

You mention education but the way you are using the word reflects its use in Korean more than in English. It is necessary to explain what kind of education you feel is necessary. 

I don’t understand “solidarity social structure”

 

-  <The Biggest tremor of my life> 심사평

- Things I like 

It was a long essay which means it was a challenging project. I applaud your willingness to take risks and attempt a difficult project 

Good opening paragraph, it generated interest. 

The essay had a good flow. Each paragraph had a purpose and clearly  connected to the topic. 

I could understand the story. That means even though there were some poor word choices and grammar mistake, they did not hinder my ability to understand the story 

 

- Things I don’t like

There were a number of mistakes in the essay. Most of these mistakes were caused by first language interference. Basically, you wrote some sentences as they would appear in Korean. Also be careful of sentence fragments created by starting sentences with “so” and “because” 

 

Your title  was not capitalized correctly

You write the sentence in P1

“ ….the main characters’ feelings like this” but you don’t explain how the feeling are described

“I and my friend” is in the wrong order. 

Grammar Mistake“….suggested our class” 

“ I assure that the atmosphere at that time was the coldest of the year” 

“the themse of the paly was “Modern Mermaid, comedy”

 P2

“…why I chose to play the Prince role before I tell you the first problem”

“ 

“I also had a dance time for myself in the middle,….”

P5

“which was just heard by our homeroom teacher”

Sentence fragement

“So I tried to take on a reltively less import seeweed role”

“Because I couldn’t, my classmate had ……”

Poor word choice

“I was embarrassed by the unexpected recommendation” 

“I wanted to play hard”

“The first part autonomously operated and experienced boths run by each class, when I key even occurred 

 several missing articles

“to memorize lines” 

“enough time to prepare props”

 

- <What ‘the’ law changed in my life> 심사평

- These are the things I liked:

 1) The sentences were short and concise.  You avoided using unnessary grammar and overly difficult vocabulary so the paragraphs were easy to read and understand.  I was able to understand how the sentences linked together and how the paragraphed formed a whole. 

 2) Grammar mistakes happened but they were minor and often did not affect my ability ot understand what you were saying

 

- These are things I didn’t like:

 1) At times there were some sentences that I could not understand. Here are some examples

From now on, I would like to talk about the limitations of the previous law and the fact that the nurse act had to be enacted accordingly.

Nursing Law, there is a limitation that it cannot reflect the phenomenon of being subdivided and specialized because only doctor guidance and medical assistance in one space were emphasized

 2) It is important to use the rules of good writing that are connected with English and to not import the writing styles appropriate in Korean

 a) Is considered poor form to start sentences with rhetorical questions

 b) It is important to tell you audience the essay’s thesis in the first paragraph but you did not do so until the third

 c) It is generally considered bad form to use the phrase “I would like to talk about….”. This kind of English is used in a spoken presentation and not in an essay

 d) Genearlly the word “I” should not be used in an academic essay 

 e) Capital Letters are Required in the Title on all nouns verb, and adjective